Miniature Madness
by Aleirbag Eiram
Summary: I wake up to find that nine of the I.Z characters have been transported into my living room, but there's a twist: They're less than five inches tall! I soon learn that what lack in size, they make up for in chaos, with me trying to keep the peace between the Tallest and Membrane, hide Tak, Skoodge and Zim from a way-old fanboy and save Dib from drowning pathetically in the toilet.
1. Chapter 1

**Helllo...**

**I'm Aleirbag Eiram, the girl with ideas, the pride of an imaginary nation, and the person you have nightmares about while I creep around your closet looking for socks.**

**Scarlett: Hell, you're scary.**

**Me: I fail to see the importance of that, so I'll just ignore you and continue.**

**This is another one of my Invader Zim stories, but unlike anything else I have written, _this_ story has an entirely new tone to it that I am just starting to experiment with.**

**Scarlett: Yay, the world rejoices...  
**

**Me: Silence your serpent's tongue, knave!**

**In case you're wondering, (which you're probably not ) Scarlett, the loudmouth, is the lead character in this new story.**

**Scarlett: Which means I have some importance, unlike _some _people...**

**Me: Hey, who's writing this crap, eh?**

**Ignoring Scarlett's rudeness, ( she's just jealous of my wonderful-wonderfulness ) I hope you enjoy this story. Just so you know, I usually write Adventure/Romance stories, so this Comedy thing is new ( but not completely foreign ) to me. Cut me some slack.**

**Also, feel free to visit and review on my other stories. It would be greatly appreciated.**

**ONWARD!**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the I.Z characters, ( I wish I did... ) but Scarlett, Ace, and any other un-I.Z characters belong to me, much to my great sadness_.**

**Scarlett: Piss off, you great buffoon...**

**Me: MIND YOUR APPLESAUCE, GOOD SIR!**

**( Rated T for language... BUT NO F-BOMBS SHALL EXPLODE YOUR DELICATE HUMAN EARS!)**

* * *

_' My name is Scarlett Terrian...'_

I paused, my pencil hovering over the piece of paper.

_' ... I am writing my last will and testament.' _I continued. _' By the time anyone reads this, I will probably be dead.'_

A frown wormed its way onto my face. Thoughtfully, I chewed the end of my writing-stick.

_' Not that anyone would ever be able to read this. I mean, who the heck is going to find a piece of scrap binder paper in the bottom of a well when there's a body? Not very likely that the paper would even survive a week or two, even if it _is_ very dry down here.'_

My frown deepened, and I chewed at the pencil with new-found vigor.

_' You know, none of this would have happened if it weren't for Ace Silas.'_ I wrote, my foul mood reflected in the dark lines smearing the paper. _' He was being a jerk, so I told him to go die in a hole, but I guess fate didn't like that 'cause look who's gonna die in a hole instead!'_

I paused again, gnawing uncomfortably at the pencil.

_' I guess I'll leave my shoes to my cousin...' _I wrote. _' And my cat can get my room, but there's no way in HELL that anyone's going to get their grubby hands on my elvish ring. DON'T TOUCH THE RING, YA HEAR ME? I DEMAND TO BE BURIED WITH IT!'_

A growl forced its way up my throat, and my eyes flicked down to the band of silver around my index finger.

_' Also...'_ I continued. _' No one gets to keep my Invader Zim CD collection. That is something I will never give up.'_

I began to chew at the pencil faster, worry eating holes in my stomach.

**_I wonder what it'll _****_be__ like?_ **I thought. **_Slowly starving to death is not on my To-do list, but I wonder how it feels?_**

**_In any__ case..._** I sighed, reaching into my pockets. **_I can survive for a while on _this_ magical__ creation!_**

I removed a TWIX bar from my jacket and stared hungrily at my reflection in the golden foil.

A sudden thought almost made me lose my desire for the scrumptious chocolate.

**_What if they don't find me for years? What if I'm a skeleton and they can't figure out who I am,__ and-_**

I silenced myself by tugging at my hair.

**_No way they won't be able to figure out who _this_ hair _****_color_****_ belongs to..._**

I pulled harshly at my hair while chewing my pencil at the same time. The long locks atop my scalp were indeed a color that was rarely, if ever, found among regular people. It was almost a Tucson Red, deep and rich.

**_Velvet Cake__ color._ ** I thought for the hundredth time since I turned four. _**And I technically qualify as a ginger, even if my hair isn't bright orange.**_

At fourteen years of age, such things didn't fascinate me anymore. I clenched my pale fist in a tired fashion as I continued to gnaw at the pencil.

**_Actually, my hair will probably rot along with my flesh, so there'll be no hair left for people to find... _**I grumbled inwardly. _**Curse you, Ace Silas, even if half the girls in my grade think you're the hottest hotty who ever set foot in the high school!**_

I inwardly shuddered.

_**I don't. Not me, I would never call you cute, even if I had to say it to save myself...** _

I had a sudden idea.

_' ... and to Ace, the bastard who got me into this mess..._' I wrote. _' I leave the rabid raccoon who's made a nest in my attic. May that sucker give you hell every time you open your eyes, Ace!'_

I cackled to myself as I folded up the paper and placed it neatly beside my lap.

" Have fun with that!" I grinned. " Man, I'm glad I always have random papers in my pocket, and the pencil was a pretty nice break too, or else I never would have been able to write this down..."

I sighed, laying on my back and staring up at the small bit of sky far above me. The sky was turning red, signaling the end of another horrible day.

I groaned and rolled onto my side.

" It's just you and me." I said, referring to the TWIX bar. " And in a moment..."

I slowly rolled back the foil and began to raise the chocolate to my lips.

" ... it'll just be me-"

" Scarlett!"

Startled, the bar dropped from my fingers, falling into the dust.

" Shit!" I cried, scrabbling to pick it up. With a snarl, I peered upwards. A face was looking down at me from the rim of the well.

" YOU!" I spat, disgust on my features.

" Uh, yeah." the boy who was Ace said, raising an eyebrow. " What are you doing down there?"

" Me?" I asked in a mocking tone, getting to my feet. " What am I doing down here, you ask?"

" That's what I said."

" How DARE you?!" I snapped. " This is _your _fault!"

" _My_-? Scarlett, are you okay?"

I glared up at Ace. Yes, he _did _have the face that would turn heads on the street; bright blue eyes, long blond hair, a dimpled chin.

But at the moment, I was so filled with loathing that I could not focus on anything but the pale scar that ran over his eye and recoiled from it.

" Okay?" I sniffed, lifting my chin. " Hell no, I've been in here for _days_!"

Ace gave me a look of mixed concern and amusement.

" Scarlett, you've been in there for an _hour. _Seriously, don't scare me like that."

I laughed.

**_Bastard..._**

" Yeah, okay, whatever..." I said nastily. " That still doesn't change the fact that I'm stuck."

**_Or that I hate you with every fiber of my being, you__ slime-ball..._**

" Scarlett..." Ace asked, his tone soothing. " Would you like to go home now?"

" No!" I snapped. " Leave me alone, you freak!"

Ace sighed.

" Look..." he began. " I know you don't like me. It hurts, because I care about you."

I snorted and turned away from him.

" No, I really do!" Ace insisted. " Look, I know why you're so sad all the time."

I tossed back my hair, and continued to ignore him.

" Scarlett..." Ace pleaded. " You're not the only one who lost a parent."

I closed my eyes, but tears rolled down my cheeks unchecked.

" You have no right to talk to me about that!" I hissed weakly.

" I don't." Ace agreed. " But you've got to start listening to me, okay? You keep climbing down into this old well in the woods after school, and you forget yourself and submit to your dreams and fantasies."

" Maybe that's how I like it!" I countered. " It keeps me close to _him_!"

" Scarlett..." Ace said gently. I turned around to see him extending his hand down to me, a sad smile on his face.

" Let me try to be your friend. I always have to coax your out of there, and I hate seeing you hurt like this. Please."

He tilted his head in the way that made girls scream and turn red.

" - I'm supposed to be there to protect you. I'm your _brother._"

I bared me teeth at him.

" _Step-_brother, you dolt!"

Ace groaned.

" Can you at least _pretend _to like me?" he asked.

I frowned.

" No!" I said, and I placed my hands on the rough wall and began to haul myself out.

" Not stuck after all?" Ace teased.

" Shut it." I snapped.

I pushed aside Ace's helping hand when I reached the rim of the well.

" I'm not doing this for you." I growled. " I'm doing it for my mother. She's under enough strain as it is."

Ace looked off into the horizon.

"_ At least you have a mother..._" I heard him mumble, supposedly too soft for me to hear.

I turned on him angrily.

" At least you have a _father!_" I cried. " Do you know how _hard _it is for my mom to care for me and get work at the same time?!"

Ace, for the first time, faced me with a frightening snarl.

" Oh, so the fact that my father is helping her out means nothing to you?" he spat. " My god, they're _married_!"

" That doesn't matter!" I shrieked. My tears were starting again. " He can't replace my daddy! Never, not in a million years!"

Ace grabbed me by the arms and shook me.

" I'm hurting just as much as you!" he yelled. " Stop being so selfish for once!"

I broke down and cried. No longer caring about self-pride, I threw my arms around Ace's neck and sobbed into his chest.

I could tell he was surprised by my actions, based on how he tense when I did this, but he quickly recovered and seized me into an embrace.

" Shit, I'm sorry." he stammered. " I-I didn't mean to-"

" Shut up." I sniffed. " Just take me home."

" Right." he said, releasing me. Pale and shaking slightly, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a string of shimmering keys.

" I'll drive." he said. I gave him a sideways look.

" I'm fourteen." I snorted. " You're seventeen. Who do you think is going to be doing the driving, you moron?"

My heart wasn't in the insult, but it felt like a good way to break the horrible sadness engulfing us both.

Ace just laughed.

" You're right, I'm a moron." he grinned. He swung the keys on his fingers.

" Hey, how 'bout we stop for ice cream on the way back?" he asked as we began to walk back through the woods.

I was going to say no. I truly wanted to.

**_He's a bastard, even if he can be sweet sometimes._**

However, my heart got the better of me. I couldn't hurt Ace too many times in one day. I didn't want to turn into a bastard as well.

" ... Okay." I sighed. " But we have to be home before ten."

Ace grinned.

" I still hate you, Ace Silas." I growled. " But the thought of chocolate has foiled me again."

Ace smiled again.

" And vanilla..." he said as we arrived at the black jeep parked next to a very large oak tree. " ... is singing it's sweet siren song once more."

I gave him a sideways look again.

" You're weird."

" I don't crawl down wells and write my will." Ace retorted, opening the door for me and giving me an impish wink.

I stuck my tongue out.

**_You're still a bastard. _**I decided. **_But I guess that's why I can call you my__ brother._**

* * *

Exactly three hours later, Ace pulled up to large white house in the suburbs.

" Home sweet home." he sighed.

" Damn it, it's 12:00!" I hissed. " I told you-"

" I heard what you said." Ace interrupted. He stopped the car and looked over at me.

" However..." he continued. " Unknowest to you, the adults have gone out to dinner for the night, and have told me that we can do and go where we please, as long as it's safe and that I'm with you at all times."

I stared at him.

" You're seventeen." I said. " Only three years older then me."

" Ah, but you don't see the point, little sister..." he grinned, waving a finger at me.

I frowned disapprovingly, but I decided to let it slip since we had had a great time at the ice cream parlor.

" What's the point then?"

" I can drive."

I huffed, but Ace was already out of the car.

" Come on." he said. " If we empty the dishwasher, we can watch a movie."

" Wonderful." I sighed. Unclipping my seat-belt, I opened the door and slid onto the sidewalk. The cold air bit at my skin like angry insects.

" I'm tired..." I complained. " I'll just-"

Ace locked the car and shrugged at me.

" Suit yourself." he sighed. " But we can have a lot of fun."

I brushed past him and marched to the door.

" Just open this damn thing..." I growled.

" Jesus..." Ace groaned, unlocking the door. With a mumbled 'Thank you,' I ran up the stairs to my room.

" Scarlett!" Ace called. " Get changed and meet me in the sitting room!"

" Okay, what the hell!" I shouted back, just to annoy him. With a sigh, I changed into a nightgown and sat on the edge of my bed.

**_Ugh... Whatever..._**

With a groan, I walked slowly down the stairs.

Ace was sitting on the couch, staring at the T.V with a blank expression. He looked so comical, I had to snort.

" _That's_ attractive..."

Ace glanced at me.

" Whatever." he grunted. " So, what do you want to watch?"

I slid into the seat next to him.

" Something not lame."

" Ooookay, that narrows it down..."

Ace went to a box stored in the corner and began to flip through the movies.

" How about Harry Potter?"

" Seen it."

" Twilight?"

" ... Seriously?"

" What? Isn't that what girls- Never mind. Okay... The Hills Have Eyes?"

" Oh my god, did you really just-"

" You're right, bad idea..."

Ace sighed and sat back on his heels.

" How about I stop looking and asking..." he said. " And you tell me what _you _want to watch."

I shifted in my seat.

" I don't-"

" I'm really open tonight..." Ace said. " So, we can watch whatever you want."

I stared at him.

" _Whatever _I want?"

" Yes."

An idea occurred to me.

" _Anything_?"

Ace tilted his head.

" Do you have an idea?"

" Stay here." I demanded. Hopping off the couch, I raced up to my room and tore through a box in my closet.

**_Where the hell is it?_**

Finally, I found what I was looking for. With a triumphant grin, I raced back downstairs and press the object into Ace's hand. He turned the object around in his hands questioningly.

"_ Invader Zim_." he read. "_ The Complete C.D Collection_."

He glanced over at me.

" What's this?" he asked.

" You've never seen Invader Zim?" I asked, astounded.

" No." he admitted, opening the box. " But if this is what you choose, I will become educated."

As he set up the disc, I picked up the cover and observed the illustration on the front.

It was relatively simple: Zim, the lead character, stood in the very center, and Irken flag in his right hand and his left on his hip, a huge grin on his face. Dib, his enemy, stood on his right side, with Gaz on his left. Next to Gaz was Dib's father, Professor Membrane. Next to Dib were the two Tallest, eating a bag of donuts. In the back, Skoodge and Tak peered out from the shadows, and Gir, Zim lovable, but highly annoying robot, created a meteor-like streak as he flew across the sky.

The background consisted only of a cartoon earth half wreathed in darkness. There were no other characters shown: Not even more reoccurring ones, like Bloaty the Pig or Ms. Bitters.

I giggled.

" You're going to like it, or else I'm going to give up on ever liking you."

" Thanks..." Ace grunted, sliding in the disc.

" Since they're episodes, can we watch more than one?"

" Maybe two or three, but no more."

" Please?"

" We'll see."

He sounded so grown up, so much like he was my father, I wanted to scream.

But, in a way, it was comforting as well.

" Alright..." Ace said, returning to the couch. " Let's start this, because it's already late."

" Who spent so much time ordering ice cream?" I teased, poking his nose. Ace rolled his eyes.

I don't know what had gotten into me. I usually stayed three feet away from my step-brother at all times.

But tonight, I instead curled up next to him, and all of my sorrows and worries were washed away the minute that I saw the familiar letters appear on the television screen.

" Yay!" I cheered.

" So..." Ace said after a while. " This guy's an alien?"

I gave him the: 'No-SHIT-Einstein' look.

" He wants to take over earth?"

" Yes."

" Ah."

Ace _did_ like Gir. I guess that he found the little robot's constant outbursts cute.

" This is a pretty cool show." Ace admitted.

" Of course." I sniffed.

Before long, we had finished all three seasons. Ace checked the clock and swore loudly.

" Damn, it's WAY past our bedtimes!"

He turned to the kitchen and swore again.

" I forgot about the dishwasher!"

" I'll do it." I offered. As I hopped off the couch, Ace spun me around and ushered me towards the stairs.

" No no no!" he said quickly. " Mom and dad'll be home any second! If they see you up, they'll skin us alive. I'll think of some excuse for myself."

I paused at the bottom step.

" You're gonna keep a secret?" I asked.

Ace just winked.

" Hey, I'm good at that."

He indicated towards the top of the stairs.

" Go, brush your teeth and sleep this day off."

I hesitated for another moment.

" Thank's Ace." I finally said.

" Hey, that's what siblings do!"

I frowned and walked up the stairs.

" Are you sure it's okay?" I called down.

" YES!"

" Jeez!"

Going into the bathroom, I splashed my face a few times for good measure.

**_Damn, I left the C.D__ downstairs!_** I thought. After a moment, I just sighed and shrugged.

" I"ll get it in the morning..." I said to myself. I splashed my face again.

" Ugh, I feel sick from all that ice cream..." I groaned. Patting my skin dry, I proceeded to brush my teeth, loosen my hair, and slip on a large puddle of water on the floor.

" Shit!" I shouted.

" HEY!" Ace called.

With a grumble, I picked myself up and stormed out of the bathroom, slamming my fist against the light as I did so.

Sparks of pain shot through my wrist, and I had to run to my room and bury my face in a pillow before I could scream.

**_Ow._**

Once the pain had passed, I crawled under the covers and sighed.

" I'm such a klutz." I groaned. " If anything, most of the pains in my life are self-inflicted, and I would be a happier person if I just sat in a rubber room for the rest of my life.

**_Now where's the joy in that? _**my subconscious thought rebelliously.

I frowned and rolled onto my side, submitting to the calls of the sleep world.

* * *

Bad dreams haunted me. Fires licked at wooden walls, people began to scream.

Me, four years old and pudgy, curled in the corner of a closet, hugging a stuffed rabbit to my chest.

" Daddy!" I screamed. " Daddy, where are you?"

The red flames roared and devoured. I whimpered and shrank away from the heat.

" DADDY!" I shrieked.

" Scarlett?"

With a gasp, I awoke. The shadows on my wall played games with my mind, making me see things that weren't actually there.

" Scarlett?"

With the utmost grace, I jumped at the sound of the voice and fell on my floor in a tangle of blankets.

Every foul word known to man and some unknown ones as well sprang from my lips.

" Scarlett!"

I turned to my bedroom door with a horrible frown.

" What do _you _want?" I hissed.

Ace stood in the frame, the light from the hall behind him casting his face in darkness. He was shirtless and had on loose pajama bottoms that made him looked like he was 'sagging.'

I curled up my nose.

" Charming."

" I could say the same to _you_." he retorted, sitting on the edge of my bed.

With a growl, I untangled myself from the sheets.

" What the hell do you want?" I huffed.

Ace pressed a finger to my lips.

" Language." he warned.

" Shit." I replied.

Ace sighed and leaned back.

" Are you okay? You were screaming in your sleep."

I blinked.

" Was I? Oh, whatever. Nothing new."

" I know."

Ace eyed me.

" Are you thinking about the fire? You know, the one that you said killed your dad when you were four?"

I stared at my feet.

" Scarlett?"

" Why are you here?" I asked cooly.

Ace did something surprising. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in closer to his chest.

" Scarlett..."

I sniffed and wiped away rebellious tears.

" Scarlett, it's okay to miss him you know. I miss my mom."

" Was your mom killed in a fire?" I asked bitterly.

" No..." Ace said softly. " She got really sick, and she... just didn't make it..."

I buried my face into Ace's chest.

" It's all my fault he died!" I moaned. " All my fault..."

" No..." Ace soothed. " No, nothing is ever our fault. Things happen."

I wanted to tell him the truth. But the truth was so painful, I felt like my heart would break if I even mentioned it.

" ... Ace?" I whispered.

" Mm?"

" You're a moron."

Ace chuckled.

" You're a moron..." I continued. " But you're also... my brother."

Ace gave me a look of such joy, I couldn't help but smile.

" Scarlett..." Ace grinned. " You don't know how much-"

There came a loud thump from above, followed by a high-pitched shriek.

" Shit!" Ace swore, springing to his feet. " It's that goddamned raccoon!"

Ace went to the door and paused.

" Ah... try to get some sleep, okay?" he said. " The parents'll be back soon so... just... good-night."

He disappeared.

As I curled up under the covers again, I though about a line I had written in my 'Will' this morning.

_' ... and to Ace, the bastard who got me into this mess, __I leave the rabid raccoon who's made a nest in my attic. May that sucker give you hell every time you open your eyes, Ace!'_

A smiled wormed its way onto my face.

_Revenge on you, you bastard..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Helllllooooooo there!**

**Scarlett: Ah crap, it's her again!**

**Me: Hey!**

**Anyway, ignoring this bad start, welcome to another chapter of this wonderful little fanfic! Rejoice! Rejoice!**

**Scarlett: When is it going to stop talking?**

**Me: HEY!**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy. This is the chapter where things start to get interesting!**

**Scarlett: -**

**Me: NOPE! NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!**

**Scarlett: I didn't even _say_ anything...**

**Me: Still...**

* * *

I smiled in my sleep, enjoying the ray of sunshine on my cheek. I knew it was morning, but I didn't want to open my eyes yet. For the moment, I held myself in a balance of dream and reality.

" Mmmm..." I mumbled.

I shifted slightly in the bed, and there was a tug on my scalp as a part of my hair got caught in the headboard.

With a soft sigh, I paused for a moment.

That's when I realized that the tugging was happening even when I was still.

A little bit of panic welled up in my throat. That little tugging meant that something was trapped in my hair. Something _alive._

I whimpered.

" Not lice..." I whispered. " _Please _not lice. Mom'll shave off my hair!"

I waited. The tugging stopped, and then began again.

Only this time, it was a little further up my head.

" Oh god..." I whispered. " It's a mouse! It's climbing onto my face!"

_**Don't panic...**_ I thought. _**Don't panic... Just wait until it's closer, and then get up and run away.**_

The tugging got closer. I crouched at little lower, preparing myself to jump to the side.

**_On the count of_**_** three...**_ I said to myself.

The tugging stopped and something began to tickle the skin on my temple.

" ARGH!" I cried, not being able to take it anymore. I yanked off my covers and bolted upright.

I froze when a totally un-mouse-like squawk sounded from behind me.

" What?" I said, turning around. There was a lump underneath the covers, which trembled a little like jello.

Hesitantly, I reached over and peeled the blanket back.

I shrieked in horror and backpedaled away from the bed as fast as I could. I tripped on the carpet and fell onto my butt.

I watched in awe as the creature crawled out from underneath the covers and stood with its hands on its hips on top of the sheets.

" VORGBEAST!" it spat. " How DARE you fling the almighty ZIM in such a HORRIBLE manner?!"

I stared at the creature.

" ANSWER ME, VORGBEAST!" it cried.

I opened my mouth and said: " WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?!"

The creature stared at me.

" How DARE you, you insolent, ignorant, good-as-dirt-"

" Shut up." I snapped, getting over my shock for long enough to stop this guy from insulting me.

The creature grew silent.

I stared at it. It was like a dream.

No, I had to be dreaming. This couldn't be real.

It couldn't be real, because if it wasn't, that would mean that Invader Zim himself was standing on my bed, insulting me.

He looked exactly like he did in the show: The green skin, the large magenta eyes, the weird military uniform and even the P.A.K. Black antenna were perked up over his head. Currently, he had his eyes open so wide, they were occuping most of his face.

Another thing about him that was interesting and that was NOTHING like show: He was about the size of my hand.

Yep. He was four inches tall.

FOUR INCHES, DAMN IT!

I think that's when I fainted.

* * *

When I woke up, I felt something jumping up and down on my stomach.

" VORGBEAST!" a voice screeched. " GET UP! I DEMAND THAT YOU SERVE ZIIIIM!"

" AH!" I screamed, scrambling to my feet and running to the corner of my room. Zim, who had been dropped to the floor, sat up and rubbed his spine.

" Oh, you are gonna PAY!" he hissed.

" KEEP AWAY FROM MEEEE!" I screamed.

" HA! YOU ARE AFRAID! YOU SHOULD BE! COWER AT THE MIGHTY FEET OF ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!"

" This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening..." I whispered to myself, rocking back and forth on my heels. " Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake... up..."

I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them hopefully.

Zim was still there.

" DAMN IT!" I screamed. " WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"

Zim sniffed.

" Zim is your master, Vorgbeast." he said. " Now, bow before the might of ZIM!"

I stared at him.

" What did you call me?" I asked.

" Vorgbeast. That is what you are, nooo?"

" Uh, _no..._" I said slowly. " I'm human."

Zim stared at me and then burst out laughing.

" HAHAHAHAH! That's a good one! Zim knows what humans look like, Vorgbeast-"

" Scarlett." I snapped.

" _Vorgbeast__,_ I know what humans look like, and you are not one. Need proof? Go see Dib downstairs."

A piece of my soul withered away.

" Dib?" I whispered.

" A human boy with a really big head who ALWAYS FOILS MY PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION, but, no matter. He will be AMAZED when he sees that ZIM have conquered a Vorgbeast! _Everyone_ will be awed!"

" Everyone?" I asked. " What the hell are you talking about?"

Zim smiled evilly at me.

"Zim is your master!" he said. " Now, bow before- WHAT THE HELL?"

I reached over and scooped Zim up in my hands.

" HEY! PUT ME DOWN!"

" Shut up." I said. A little hesitantly, I placed the little Irken on my shoulder so that he would be hidden in my hair in case I met up with any of my family members along the way.

" Stay silent." I ordered.

This did not sit well with Zim.

" YOU WILL NOT TELL ZIM WHAT TO DO!" he cried. " NEVER-"

" Shut UP!" I growled, yanking his antenna with the tips of my fingers.

With a yelp, Zim glared at me and remained silent.

I went over to my door and saw that it was open slightly. I peeked through hesitantly.

" Coast is clear." I sighed.

" Hrm?"

" I'm not talking to you."

" Hrm..."

I tiptoed out of my room and went over to the stairs.

" I hear something..." I whispered. " Hey, Zim, can you hear anything?"

Zim looked at me lazily.

" Zim refuses to answer to a lower being such as you."

I glared at him. Slowly, I plucked him up by his antenna and dangled him over the railing.

" Look..." I hissed. " I don't appreciate being insulted and back-talked by you. So, you listen up good: start being nice, or I SWEAR I will drop you off of this railing. Do you understand me, _Zim?"_

Zim's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. I had to marvel at his confidence, even if it _was _pretty annoying.

_" DO YOU UNDERSTAND?_" I growled.

Zim nodded wordlessly.

" Good." I sighed, I set Zim back on my shoulder.

" Now hang on. This might get bumpy."

I began to run down the steps. Zim squawked again and grabbed hold of my neck.

" How'd you get into my room anyway?" I asked.

Zim snorted.

A pair of metal spider legs came out of his P.A.K and looped around my neck.

" _That's_ how." he said proudly.

" Neat." I found myself saying.

Zim glanced at me and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

" Fine, _don't_ take a compliment..." I sighed.

Zim just looked away, frowning.

The sounds were closer. It sounded like a group of people arguing. A _familiar_ group of people arguing.

I burst into the sitting room, and tried to stop the scream that was racing out of my throat.

On the coffee table, seven small figures were in a heated argument. One one side were four little creatures that I recognized immediately: Tak, Skoodge and the two Tallest. Tak and Skoodge were the same size as Zim, and the Tallest were about six inches tall instead of four.

On the other side of the table, a man the same size as the Tallest and a boy four inches tall were shouting at the Irkens while a three-inch tall little girl with purple hair played a video game in the background.

_Professor__ Membrane, Dib and Gaz..._ I thought.

Everyone looked like the did in the show, besides the fact that they were mini-sized.

" ALIENS!" Dib was shouting. " I told you dad! They're real!"

Tallest Red waved a dismissive hand.

" Yeah, yeah, whatever..." he said. " Simple fact: We're still taking over earth."

" Yep." Purple said.

Pro. Membrane growled and clenched his fists.

" How _dare_ you?" he said. " I am the protector of earth, and I will NOT allow you to do such a thing!"

" YEAH!" Dib smirked. " You've lost THIS time, Irken scum!"

This was the time that Zim chose to speak.

" HA!" he shouted. " That's what _you_ think DIB!"

At the sound of Zim's voice, the seven I.Z characters turned and gasped at the sight of me.

The Tallest backed away.

" What the hell IS that?!" Purple shrieked.

Zim climbed on top of my head and proudly placed his hands on his hips.

" I, the almighty ZIM have conquered this mighty VORGBEAST! BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF ZIM! GREAT IS ZIM! ALL SHALL BEND BEFORE MY WHIM-"

Zim glanced down at me.

" Vorgbeast!" he snapped. " Stop releasing your dirty mouth-fluids and act scary!"

I realized that I was hunched over with my mouth wide open, drooling. I snapped my lips closed and glared at the little Irken on my scalp.

" Seriously?" I growled. " Do you _not _remember that talk we had not even five minutes ago?"

Zim raised a brow at me.

" Are you talking back to your master?"

I laughed.

" Okay..." I giggled. " Let me get something straight with you, okay?"

I reached a hand up and plucked Zim up by his antenna again.

" Listen carefully, since you obviously didn't hear me the first time..." I hissed, poking him on the forehead. " You are in _my_ house right now, you selfish, goddamned, no good son-of-a-gun! I am BIGGER, I am STRONGER, and I will not hesitate to smack your pathetic, bossy little Irken ass RIGHT OUT THE DOOR! I've been SUPER tolerant of you up until now, which is a HUGE accomplishment since you're such a GODDAMNED PAIN! You better start behaving RIGHT NOW, or I will make your life such a hell, you won't be able even LOOK at a tack again without having HORRIBLE FLASHBACKS!"

I shook Zim slightly.

" Do you understand me, Zim?" I asked coldly.

Zim stared at me.

" Sooo... are you going to serve Zim or not?" he asked in a whinny voice.

" THAT'S _IT!_" I screamed. " I'M CHUCKING YOU OVER THE FREAKING RAILING!"

" NOOOOOOOOOO!" Zim cried, gripping onto my fingers. " NO! DON'T DO THAT! HOW _DARE_ YOU THREATEN ME, YOU MISERABLE-!"

I leaned close to Zim.

" Splat." I whispered.

Zim whimpered.

With a sigh, I brushed hair back from my face and glanced at the cowering irken in my palm.

" Ah jeez, I'm sorry..." I groaned. " It's just... you can act like such an ass, you know? I never thought you'd be this annoying in real life."

I glanced up.

" Real life..." I whispered. " AH CRAP! I FORGOT!"

I turned around and observed the other I.Z characters on the table. They were staring at me with a mix of interest and fear.

Hurriedly, I set Zim down next to the Tallest and rummaged around on the floor.

" Where is it...?" I hissed. " Where... what the hell?"

I sat up and observed the object in my hands.

It was the D.V.D box. Except... it looked a little different.

A lot different in fact, because all the characters were gone.

" What?" I said, rubbing a finger over the plastic. " What...?"

I turned the box over in my hands, I poked it, I shook it, and smacked it.

Nothing worked. It was just a box.

Zim stared at me with interest, and, seeming to forget my earlier threats, jumped down to the floor and strolled over to me.

" Vorgbeast?" he asked. " Why do you shed pathetic, female-waters of sadness?"

I wiped my eyes, but it did no good to stop the tears. Angrily, I turned on Zim.

" Oh, you are just _asking_ for flying lessons!" I hissed. " I told you, I am not a freaking VORGBEAST! I'm a freaking HUMAN!"

Zim chuckled.

" Nope. No, you aren't."

I giggled insanely.

" Said the Irken who can't even-"

I paused and stared at the box.

" Wait a minute..." I said. " There were nine people on this box..."

I counted the characters on the table.

" There's eight of you. Where-?"

I heard a crash in the kitchen, followed by a loud squeal.

" SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!" I cried. " OHMYGOD!"

I grabbed Zim and swept him up on my shoulder.

" HEY!" Zim huffed. " Why do you need ZIM?!"

" He's YOUR robot!'

" Who- WAIT, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!"

"JUST SHUT UP!"

I raced to the kitchen and shrieked.

Things were strewn across the floor. The facet spewed water and made a puddle on the floor.

A tiny blur raced around the room, squealing at the top of its lungs.

" GIR!" Zim snapped. " Come down here!"

" MASTA!" the blur screamed, racing towards my head.

" AH!" I cried, ducking.

The blur zipped over my head and smacked into the wall behind me.

" SHIT!" I swore.

" GIR!" Zim snarled. " Be still!"

The blur peeled itself off the wall and fell into my hand.

" YES SIR!" it saluted.

I observed the blur closely now that it wasn't moving. I recognized the features of the small robot Gir, wearing a stupid little grin that made me feel uncomfortable.

Gir, the smallest out of any of the other characters, was one and a half inches tall.

" Damn it!" I hissed. " Look at this mess!"

Gir stared up at me with huge eyes.

" I loooove yoooooou..."

I glared at him.

" Shut up."

" Aw…"

I cupped the Irken and the robot in my hands and went back into the sitting room. I plopped them both onto the table.

" This is bad." I said, staring at the little people. " No, wait, it isn't…. because I'm dreaming."

I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes.

" I'm dreaming."

" VORGBEAST!"

" SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO WAKE UP?!"

I rolled over onto my side and buried my face in a pillow.

" I'm trying to wake up…"

Suddenly, there was a sound from upstairs.

Startled, I glanced upward. The sound continued, and I realized what it was.

It was footsteps.

" OHGOD!" I cried, sitting up.

The footsteps were starting to come down the stairs.

Panicing, I looked around and saw the basket where we kept blankets to wear while watching movies.

As quickly as possible, I dumped out the blankets and pulled it over to the table.

" SORRY!" I whispered to the I.Z characters as I swept them into the basket. " STAY QUIET!"

I placed blankets back on top of the characters and picked up the basket just as Ace appeared at the bottom of the steps.

He raised an eyebrow at the sight of me.

" Uh… good morning?" he said.

" HI!" I said quickly. " GOODTOSEEYOU! SORRYICAN'TTALKRIGHTNOW, SEEYOULATER!"

I hauled up the basket and rushed past a surprised-looking Ace. Reaching my room, I set the basket down and locked my door.

" Ugh…" I moaned. "That was close…"

I peeled off the top blanket and peered at the little figures underneath.

" Dang, you're still here…" I groaned.

Dib was staring up at me with awe. He hadn't spoken since I had first appeared downstairs, and he looked ready to pass out.

" Giant…" he whispered feebly.

" I beg your pardon?" I said, insulted. " Are you calling me fat?"

" Giant…"

" Maybe when I give Zim flying lessons, I'll bring you along…"

Pro. Membrane's eyes grew wide.

" How _dare_ you threaten my son?!" he roared. " Do you know who I am? I demand that you-"

" Dad…" Dib said with a slight smirk. " I'm a paranormal investigator. I can handle this."

Dib crawled out of the basket and sat on the rim, swinging his legs.

" Hey." he said slowly. " I'm Dib. I'm a human. And you are…?"

I stared at him.

" Wow." I growled. " You _do_ act like Zim"

" I DO NOT!"

" HE DOES NOT!"

Zim poked his head out of the rim of the basket and glared at me.

" I AM NOTHING LIKE THAT MISERABLE HUMAN SCUM, VORGBEAST!" he hissed. " GIR! TEACH THE VORGBEAST A LESSON!"

Silence.

" Gir! Did you hear me?"

Again, silence.

I peeked into the basket and gasped.

" CRAP! HE'S GONE!"


End file.
